WHAT YOU MUST NEVER FORGET ABOUT "LOVE"

What You Must Never Forget About “Love”

One main thing you must never forget about love is this: The word "love" is LIMITED in the English language. We use it usually very loosely, usually with ignorance such that the person saying it and the person hearing it are confused but they are not aware. We say things like: I 'love' my covenant friend (same sex), I 'love' my wife (opposite sex), I 'love' banana (object), I 'love' my mother, etc. But in all of these instances, we can see CLEARLY that we do not mean the same thing!

That's why in the Greek (which is more developed), the word “love” is represented with different Greek words:

1.       We have "eros" meaning "physical ATTRACTION to a person",

2.       "Phileo" meaning "APPRECIATING a person's character", and

3.       "agape" meaning "unreserved commitment to ADDING VALUES TO the other person regardless of feelings".

Therefore, when somebody says, "I love you", you wonder what he is saying exactly. Is he saying "I am physically attracted to you (i.e. eros)" or "I like and appreciate you as a person—your personality (not your physical outlook) [i.e. phileo]" or "I want to commit myself to ADD VALUES to you regardless (i.e. agape)".

Did you notice that the “agape” love is the only kind of love that is a VERB? (The Greek: “Agapao” is the verb for agape).

A person who wants to express the agape love to you in English would say something like:

"I want to love you (regardless)" or “I want to be committed to ADDING values to you (regardless)” or “I want to relate with you, not just as who you are, but as a better person you could become as I add values to you (regardless of my feelings” (a verb not a noun as in "I love you" because that is confusing). The agape love is a self-less love and it implies that I want to be committed to adding values to your life regardless of whatever may happen. This was the kind of love Jesus expressed to the world when he gave himself.

And that is even supposed to happen in the confines of courtship with MARRIAGE IN VIEW (or better put, in the confines of marriage where courtship is just a necessary process [if you understand what I mean]). This is the reason the Scriptures command:

 “Husbands, love (Agapao) your wife…” (Eph. 5:25)

However, a person who really understands (and has capacity for) the 3 kinds of love is the person who you know even has the ability/capacity to really love you in the first place. The 3 combined in the appropriate way is the REAL LOVE—the real concept of love.

Be careful therefore, the way you use the word “love” or the way you hear it when someone says it—whether to you or to someone else. Try to understand what they are saying indeed, so that they don’t confuse you (or others) even if they are not aware that they are confused. Simply say (if that is what you genuinely mean), “I am physically attracted to you”, or “I really appreciate your wonderful personality” or “I want to be unreservedly committed to meeting your needs” [instead of “I love you”].But remember “in the confines of marriage in view where COURTSHIP is just a NECESSARY PROCESS”. [Note: Courtship is properly defined as the interaction between two people of the opposite sex with marriage in view and with the guidance of mentors].

The "eros" love should be considered last in the list because "The outward man perishes day by day and beauty is vain" (2Cor. 4:16 and Prov. 31:30). This is very important!

God bless you.

Tolulope Ahmed,

tolulopeahmed@gmail.com

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